How to Take Control of Your Anger
by Doris Wild Helmering
34 Page e-book
Downloadble PDF

NOW FREE!!!!!!!!

We are now offering the Anger booklet free of charge.
Please click here to download that book now!

Material from “HOW TO TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR ANGER”

Excerpt 1: YOU THINK NEGATIVE THOUGHTS

The number one reason you get angry is that you think negative thoughts. When an event happens, instead of putting a neutral or positive interpretation on it, you put a negative interpretation on it. By thinking negative thoughts, you can actually create your own anger. You can give meaning to an event in less than a second. Within a few seconds you can have a number of negative thoughts.

Suppose you tell your daughter you want her to clean the kitchen while you're gone. She says okay. A few hours later you come home, and the kitchen is still a mess. You immediately think a negative thought: “I can't count on her for anything.'' Your next negative thought: “She never does anything around here that I tell her to do.'' This thought is rapidly followed by a third negative thought:
“What a brat.'' And another negative thought: “She's never going to amount to anything.'' In less than a few seconds you have had four negative thoughts and you're angry.

Now let's examine more closely what happened. First, you asked your daughter to clean the kitchen, and she agreed. Several hours later when you came home, the kitchen was not clean. You have no further information. All the other thinking you did was conjectural and negative. Because in the past your daughter has agreed to do something and then not followed through, you assume that she blew you off and didn't clean the kitchen because she was talking on the telephone or watching television. But you really don't know.

Maybe the neighbor had an emergency, and she ran over to watch the neighbor's child. Maybe her girlfriend hit a deer with her car, came by the house to call the police, and in the commotion your daughter didn't have a chance to clean the kitchen.

I bet you're thinking, “Oh sure, her friend hit a deer.''
Well, my daughter's friend hit a deer, and the friend did come to our house to call the police. So it's not impossible. Until you have all the information, you're making assumptions that create your anger.

Without these negative thoughts, you'd be the first to admit that sometimes your daughter does do chores around the house. In fact, just yesterday she mowed the lawn and helped fold laundry. And, yes, sometimes she doesn't follow through on her promises. But do you really think she's never going to amount to anything?

Excerpt 2: HOW YOU INTENSIFY YOUR ANGER

Additional negative thoughts that you may use to help you feed and intensify your anger include name calling, exaggerating, and using a should-and-ought belief system.  You Name-Call.

You would probably admit in your off-anger hours that most people are not all good or all bad but a combination. Even the most vicious person can show loving kindness and compassion. And the kindest, most loving person can exhibit very mean behavior.

But when you're angry with someone, you put him in the bad-guy category and you label him. You call him a jerk, an idiot, stupid, dumb, a brat, a bastard, an asshole, or whatever colorful word you can think to spit out. Once you've labeled the person, he loses his humanity. He becomes the label you've put on him, and he's now your enemy…